Those stingy sugar daddies

Those stingy sugar daddies

One of the best things about dating a man who classifies himself as a ‘sugar daddy’, is that he believes he is 100% in control of your relationship. He believes that because he has the means to provide you with an amazing lifestyle, the money to pay your rent and living costs, and treat you to the best bars and restaurants, he is the one in the driving seat. He couldn’t be more wrong, and women need to realise this in order to get the most out of the relationship. The wonderful aspect of the world of sugar dating, is that for every sugar baby (that isn’t a classified prostitute) there are about 5 men willing to splash the cash. Again, I have always argued that you should never enter a relationship with someone you aren’t physically attracted to or able to reach an emotional connection with. If you find them fully annoying, ugly, or misogynistic to another level, you probably should not be in that relationship.

However, when dating an older man who has the means to treat you and enrich your lifestyle, it is important to always remain in control. For example, I dated an older man one summer in London, I was very attracted to him and really loved his personality. To me, he was absolutely amazing and could do no wrong. Hence, the ball was always in his court. By the end of the relationship I felt exploited. He was only seeing me when he wanted to, the relationship largely revolved around sex, and despite my dire financial situation, he wouldn’t even help me with rent! The key here is… do not have sex. Ladies, sex is an absolute weapon to these men. It is a driving force behind them pursuing younger women. How could it not be? Yes, some men may be pursuing sugar relationships out of boredom, loneliness, or they may genuinely enjoy the younger company. But the majority will want to have a sexual relationship with a 21 year old, who is not in the midst of moody menopause, stressed about losing baby weight, or has weight creeping on from her incessant wine drinking. By withholding sex (at least until you have ascertained they are truly interested in you) you hold all the power. This is true of pursuing any ordinary relationship, so why should it be different with a sugar daddy?

I once went on a date with a man who I had been speaking to for a few weeks. He was VERY interested, and I suspect the majority of that interest was derived from sexuality. On our first date, he gave me £1000 in cash because I had MENTIONED my existing overdraft. One kiss later, he transfers me £500. Another week of calling/texting, he sends me another £700. I ended it then as I knew I did not want to pursue the relationship further, even though it was apparent he was extremely generous and would help me extensively. However, this proves my point. It was almost as if the thought of us being together was so exciting to him that he was desperate to throw money at me, so I would want him. I didn’t and the whole experience left me looking at him as sort of desperate. If I had slept with him straight away, perhaps it would have been an anti climax for him, or he would have decided he was no longer interested. Instead the ball was in my court, and I was in charge.

Men who feel they are in control because they have the money could not be more wrong. Realistically, if the majority of them were able to have relationships with the type of woman they are seeking on sites such as seeking arrangement, they would be. But they’re not, and yet they still seem to think they are in charge. We literally have the means to withdraw from the relationship if they are not being treated well, financially and emotionally. There are a million other men out there willing to treat us like we want to be treated — it is important to realise this and not settle for a man who is undesirable and unwilling to help you financially. What do they think the purpose of a sugar daddy relationship is?

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‘I’m not attracted to my sugar daddy’

‘I’m not attracted to my sugar daddy’

My discovery of the world of sugar-daddy dating was rather tedious and standard – a poor fresher in the midst of her first year at University, newly single and looking for a boyfriend who could relieve the financial pressures of student loan lifestyle. This quickly grew tiresome due to the lack of attractive older men in the area, willing to finance me whilst dealing with my 17 year old naive and obtuse outlook on life. It wasn’t until 3 years later, at the slightly more mature age of 20 that I decided to embark once more on the gravy train of paid dating.

I was surprised at how easy it all was. If you say the right things, men are very easy to part with their money. I began by talking with varying men, one of whom was a lecturer at my University, on my course… This probably could have been pursued longer, except for a tiny detail I believe is crucial to make sugar-daddy dating enjoyable for both parties: YOU NEED TO FANCY YOUR SUGAR DADDY

I knew a girl who was a seasoned sugar baby and had no qualms about doing whatever a man asked of her, so long as there was a payment on the horizon. This went to the extent of her meeting one man every week in a hotel for a monthly allowance of about £2000 a month. Easy money? Well, not if you are literally not attracted to the man you are sleeping with, in a physical or emotional sense!!! Her experiences, to me, epitomise what is wrong with sugar-daddy dating – young girls wanting money quick, so sleeping with whatever man shows an interest. He caught on that she had no attraction to him and ended it after she made clear she had no desire of being seen in public with him – now she was still broke, but also lacking in dignity.

Too often when I am discussing my experiences with my friends do they tell me ‘I would definitely do it, I just can’t find men that age attractive’. Yeah, well I mean this is gonna be a serious problem then. I have always been attracted to older men. I remember my first ever celebrity crushes as a young teen being Richard Gere and Tom Selleck, Justin Bieber and Zac Efron literally did nothing for me. Even now, as a late teen and in my early 20s, I have had relationships which aren’t sugar based with men 10+ years older than me, and with ‘boys’ my age. If dating a 19 year old who is only interested in cheating on you, lad banter, and disappointing, uneventful sex isn’t enough to put you off young men for life, I don’t know what is.

You have to fancy your sugar daddy. You have to be excited about seeing them and seeing a text from them (or email for those who need a little discretion). You have to wanna be with them, and not have it be a chore. If you are being offered an allowance or a present or a package which is extremely tempting yet you find the fact that they’re balding, have a middle tyre and say words like ‘throbbing’ heinous and extremely unattractive, you need to give it up! An amazing thing about living in a big city such as London or NYC is the abundance of young, wealthy males there are out there. So many of these men are wanting a sugar-baby type relationship, one where they can wine and dine a young woman, enjoy each others company, have an exciting sex life yet without the commitment and jealousy involved in a standard relationship. There are attractive men in their 20s and 30s who are too busy working to have a conventional relationship – find these men! Date these men! Leave the geriatrics alone and you no longer have to have sex with a man who literally repulses you!

 

Jennifer Armstrong